We know that we are souls. When we look into the eyes of someone we love, we do not see random molecules thrown together. We love the essence of that person, and that essence is what we call a neshama, a soul.

The soul is eternal, although the body's existence is temporary. When God decides a person's time on this earth has ended, He takes back the soul, and the body goes back to the earth, completing the cycle of creation ("... dust to dust."). For, in the beginning, the first person, Adam, was created from the dust of the ground.

The essence of our loved ones, the goodness and special qualities that they possessed, the part of them that made noble choices in life, performed good deeds, and touched the lives of others - their neshama - goes on to a world of infinite pleasure. In that world physical sufferings do not exist, and souls bask in the light of their Creator, enjoying the rewards for all that they did here on earth.

But what kinds of choices and deeds count? Those of people who saved the lives of others, who led armies to victory, who discovered medical cures? Yes, those people enjoy a place in the World to Come, but so do those who led simpler lives, who performed quiet acts of kindness and made a difference to those around them. Perhaps what they did wasn't front page news, but small acts have merit too and can mean an eternity of the deepest pleasures in the World to Come.

What we are experiencing now is called Olam Hazeh ("This World"), while the next world is referred to as Olam Haba ("The World to Come"). We are all familiar with what happens here, but what goes on in Olam Haba?

Of course no one in Jewish history ever died and came back to tell us what happens in the world beyond. Yet we are assured there is another existence. Maimonides, the 12th century scholar, includes this belief in his "Thirteen Principles of Faith." Our oral tradition speaks about it at length, and Kabbalah, Jewish mysticism, is also replete with wisdom about the hereafter.

Olam Haba, Heaven, is more easily understood when compared to a theater. Our sages state that every Jew has a portion in the World to Come. This means that a seat in the theater has been reserved for each person's soul. But as in any theater, some seats are better than others. If God is "center stage," some souls will enjoy seats in the front row center section, others will sit in the balcony, some will have obstructed views, but everyone will have a place. What seats we are assigned are based on the choices we make and the deeds that we do in Olam Hazeh, this world.

We are told that we will be surprised who gets the best seats. We will look down and say, "What are they doing there? They weren't so great! What are they doing up front? They didn't accomplish very much!"

And God will answer and say, "They are there because they listened to My voice."

We make a mistake when we think that only those who seem great, honored and accomplished will merit a place before God. Each person is judged individually, and we don't know what one mitzvah, one act of kindness, will make the difference when God reviews a person's life. Listening to God does not only mean obeying the laws of what and what not to do. Hearing His voice means that we see that life isn't ruled by coincidence, that we realize that events take place for a reason, and we act accordingly. We may not know the Torah backward or forward, but if we have a relationship with our Creator, it can be worth a front row seat in eternity.

Our sages say that if we took all of our life's pleasures, every one of them, and all the pleasures of everyone in this world, and brought them all together, the total wouldn't be worth even one second in the World to Come, the pleasure of being close to God.

Now, it may not have been uppermost on our minds in this world, but we know, that if you were called to someone's home for a meeting, and following the meeting the host announced that God's presence was about to arrive and wanted to communicate with you, you wouldn't say, "Well, sorry, it's getting late and I have to get up early tomorrow." You would be scared out of your mind, but there is nothing more important or more desirable than going before God, Creator of heaven and earth.

We can't imagine passive pleasure. For us pleasure is active. We go away on vacation. We ask for a raise and get it. We eat a big helping of the flavor of the month. Something happens and we feel pleasure. So how can sitting in one place be so overwhelmingly pleasurable? Because it is an earned pleasure - what we did in our lifetime on earth has yielded this result.

In Olam Haba we are sitting before God, who created us. He knows us inside and out. Every moment here on earth is His gift to us. He loves us more than our parents love us, more than we ever or ever will love our children. And He has called us back to Him.

Of course people are not perfect and we all make mistakes, but those errors in judgment do not erase our good deeds. If we light candles on Friday night and then go to a movie, God does not look down and say, "Candles. Movie. We're back to square one." The act of lighting candles, the bringing in of the Sabbath, is eternal. Nothing can take it away. It is the same with every positive effort we make in life.

Of course we all make bad decisions sometimes, and some acts we deeply regret. What should we do about them? Ideally, we should take care of our mistakes here in this life. If we have wronged someone, we should make peace. If we are letting bad habits or character hold us back, we should work on breaking free and return to being the person we know we can be.

When our souls leave this world and go before God, we give an accounting, and a certain judgment takes place. Judgment is not something we look forward to. Who wants to be judged? But this not just any judge. This is God, our Father in Heaven. A human judge might be biased. But this is our Creator, who gave us life and everything that happens in our lives. His judgment of us comes from love, and anything that derives from love is for our good.

Further, His judgment means that our judgments count. Life is not random; it has meaning and purpose. The decisions that we make in our lives count for something, and not just at the moment, but forever. The ultimate reward and punishment happen, but only in Olam Haba, the next world, not here in Olam Hazeh, this world.

"But what about that bonus at work? I know that God was rewarding me for giving charity. And that time my car broke down? That was a punishment for not driving my mother to her hair appointment."

This idea is a little bit right and a little bit wrong. It's right to realize that events happen in life for a reason and they are from God. But it's wrong to think that God is rewarding us for our good deeds or punishing us for our errors. What is really going on is that God is communicating with us. When we give charity or do anything that is right and good, God doesn't reward us, but He does give us more opportunities to do good.

The car breaking down is not a punishment, but a message. Only you know what God is telling you. Get the message and learn from it.

Each year on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur God judges us. He looks at the deeds and choices that we made during the year and decides what our next year will be like based on our efforts to correct our mistakes and the decisions that we made in our lives. But at the time of death, after the burial, we go before God who will judge us not just on one year, but on our entire lives.

The soul can go to one of two places: Heaven, which we have discussed, or Gehenom, Hell.

Jews believe in Hell?! It may be surprising, perhaps, but yes, we do. Why is it a surprise? Often it is a subject not brought up in Hebrew school or in the synagogues. And the Jewish understanding of Heaven and Hell differs from what we may hear from other religions.

Hell is a place God created to help us take care of the mistakes we didn't correct in this world. It is called Gehenom. But don't be afraid. It's not a place of devils and pitchforks, and it's not forever. If it is God's judgment that a person has to enter Gehenom, the maximum amount of time spent there would be one Jewish year. A person can be there a split second, an entire Jewish year, or somewhere in between. That is the reason that we say Kaddish, the mourner's prayer, for 11 months. We assume that our loved ones would never be there an entire year. Ideally, we want to by-pass it all together.

A great rabbi was scheduled to speak on the subject of the next world at an "Executive Lunch and Learn" series in downtown Toronto. My husband picked him up at the airport, and on the way downtown asked him to "go easy on Gehenom" with the primarily non-religious audience. He was afraid the rabbi would scare them.

The rabbi turned to my husband and asked, "Do you have hospitals here in Toronto?"

"Yes," he answered, confused.

"And," continued the rabbi, "are these world class hospitals?"

"Yes," answered my husband again.

"Would you ever want to check into these hospitals?"

"No," said my husband.

"But if you need to, aren't you glad they're there?"

The rabbi explained that Gehenom is a hospital for the soul. Going there will be painful. But it's from God's kindness, His mercy, and His love that such a place exists. We wouldn't want to check in even for a minute, but if we have to, we know it's for our good, and we hope our stay will be as short as possible.

The way to avoid Gehenom altogether is to take care of our mistakes here. This is not an easy task, but making the supreme effort in this world will ultimately avoid a much greater pain in the next.

Whether we are able to by-pass it, or we have to spend some time in Gehenom, eventually we are able to enter the theater of Olam Haba. If we arrive and each of us is assigned a seat, does that mean we are there for eternity and that our share of pleasure is limited to our particular view? No. The people we have left on earth can increase our share in the World to Come, and enable us to earn better seating.

How does this happen? In memory of loved ones people often give charity, name babies, learn Torah in their merit, and so on. These are not just good deeds. These are acts we do in this world that have everlasting spiritual ramifications.

When we do something in someone's memory, we are saying: "Because of this person that I loved, I am living my life differently. He may be gone, but he is not forgotten. He continues to be a source of inspiration in my life. His life mattered, and his legacy will continue to make a difference."

What should you do in memory of a loved one?

My husband tells people to take a 30-day period, ideally the first 30 days after the funeral, which is called the "shloshim," and do something concrete in memory of the departed. For some it could be placing a coin in a tzedakah (charity) box each day and reciting a simple prayer.

Most people, after experiencing such a tremendous loss, feel a great need to do something to honor the departed. Because of the concept of Olam Haba, doing something will not only bring you comfort, but also add to the merit of the one that you have lost.

Souls in the next world have awareness. They know what goes on here. By choosing to honor them, you are making an impact far greater than you will ever know.