PART ONE

It is actually a simple principle: If one removes negativity, gossip, slander and divisiveness from one's vocabulary, one automatically and dramatically improves one's own life and the lives of everyone in one's environment.

To understand why the Torah focuses so intently on speech, one need take only a cursory look at how words act upon the world. One person can enter a room, speak a few angry words, and quickly set everyone around him on edge. A few careless words between friends can be all that's needed to forever alter the tenor of their relationship. One derogatory word, which labels another person as slow, sloppy or spoiled, can make that perception true in the minds of all who hear it.

Or, words can effect miracles. Words of encouragement can dispel despair, even for someone in a terribly difficult situation. Words have the power to take what is ordinary and make it holy. They turn a glass of wine into kiddush, and a man and woman into a couple united through the sanctity of marriage.

But more than anything, words are the sole medium through which the Jew fulfills the purpose for which he was created - to communicate God's greatness and presence in this world.

RECREATING ONESELF THROUGH SPEECH

The Torah teaches us that the words we choose determine how we experience our lives. When one is careful with speech, one inevitably evolves into a better person. That is because in every interaction, one is focused on not causing others pain. Time after time, day after day, the person who is careful with speech calls that imperative into play. It informs his decisions about what he says and what he thinks. Eventually, it becomes who he is.

Humans are made of earth. Any human body can be reduced to a small pile of the earth's minerals and elements. Yet, this seemingly insignificant entity has an exalted function - it acts as a vessel for the soul, the Heavenly spark with which God imbued man. The mouth is the intersection of this physical and spiritual essence. It ushers man's Godly essence into the physical world in the form of the words it speaks. The ability to speak is a bridge between the physical, earth-bound human and the spiritual being. It provides man with the capacity to activate his spiritual self.

When God took the dust of the earth, formed man, and breathed into him a Godly soul, He created a unique creature containing within himself both the spiritual and the physical. It is that duality that endows man with free will. Were he bound strictly by the physical world, he would have no more free choice than the animals. Were he connected solely to the spiritual world, he would have no more free choice than the angels. Because man lives in both worlds, he has the ability to make choices. It follows then that the mouth, where these two worlds intersect, is where free will is most clearly evident.

When one chooses to use his power of speech unwisely, the choice he is really making is not simply between speaking Loshon Hara or exercising restraint. It is between exercising his Godly self or his earthly self. His own relationship to himself is altered by the choice. If he chooses incorrectly, he declares himself unfit for his highest purpose and has altered his own essence. He has become like a chair with no seat, a cup with no bottom - a utensil unable to do what it was created to do.

DEFINING REALITY THROUGH SPEECH

Speech also has another awesome power, and that is to literally redefine reality. Thoughts exist in a separate, private sphere. Once articulated, the thought is no longer a private matter. It becomes an item on the world's agenda - something to be agreed with or argued; proven or disproven; attended to or ignored.

A person may work side-by-side with someone for years, and during the entire time harbor the thought that the colleague is "annoying." For all those years, the thought has no power to affect anything or anyone beyond the person thinking it. Then, one day, this person enters into a conversation with a third co-worker, and offers his assessment of the other man as "annoying." The instant that thought is released into the world, it sets out on a path of destruction. Now another person's attention has been drawn to this man's allegedly "annoying" mannerisms. He loses a little respect for him, identifies him as a little less competent, a little less appealing.

Inevitably, this new assessment affects their relationship. It creates a bias in the third person's mind which he will now confirm every time the "annoying" person does or says anything. And it may go much further. This third person may well share his new-found perception with others, thereby altering their perceptions as well.

It is not even necessary that they believe what they hear. Even if they never seriously think about the statement, it seeps into the subconscious and colors their future assessments of this person's behavior. The situation could easily evolve into one in which the colleague tagged as "annoying" feels inexplicably distanced from others. His livelihood, his self-esteem, even his outlook on life could suffer from the voicing of that one word, "annoying."

EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULE

Is negative speech always, 100 percent forbidden?

There are times when Loshon Hara is permitted or even required, i.e, when warning a person about potential harm, for example a potential business or marriage partner. On the other hand, secondhand information and baseless impressions have momentous implications. The questions of when you are allowed or even required to speak Loshon Hara are complicated. Here is one small example from everyday life:

It is permissible to inform friends and neighbors of a store where they can obtain items of better quality or at better prices than at the store where they usually shop.

Here too certain conditions have to be met:

One should know the information firsthand. If one cannot verify the information firsthand, he would have to say, "I have heard, but have not verified that..."

Also, he must be certain that the quality of the other merchandise is superior (brand names are not necessarily better); where there is a significant difference in price, one must verify that the less expensive item is not inferior in quality to the more expensive one.

In conveying the information, it is important not to imply that the first storekeeper is overcharging or is guilty of selling inferior products; one must convey the pertinent information without being judgmental.

Furthermore, since people often view high pricing in a negative way, the information may be considered derogatory and could only be conveyed for a constructive purpose. Consequently, one may only relate the information to people who may be interested in making a purchase.

Finally, one should consider why he deems it necessary to relate the information altogether. Discussing the matter for the sake of making conversation might constitute Loshon Hara.

To find out more about programs in your area on the topic of Loshon Hara, contact the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation at 1-800-867-2482, FAX 914-352-3605, or write to 6 Melnick Drive, Monsey NY 10952 USA.